پَ نه پَ -۲ (طنز)

پَ نه پَ -۲ (طنز)



پَ نه پَ -۲ (طنز)

مجموعه: مطالب طنز و خنده دار

 
تو تاکسی تنها نشستم میخوام کرایه حساب کنم طرف میگه ۱ نفر!!میگم پـَـ نه پـَـ ۲ نفر حساب کن خورزوخان هم هست!!
 
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به دوستم میگم وی پی ان داری؟ میگه واسه رد شدن از فیلترینگ میخوایپـَـ نه پـَـ واسه رد شدن از تنگه ابو غُریب میخوام. هم سنگرام منتظرن

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بچه داییم به دنیا اومده .. همه خوشحال و اینا .. مامان بزرگم برگشته میگه حالا میخواین براش اسم بذارین؟پـَـ نه پـَـ میخوایم همین جوری ولش کنیم اسمش بشه:… نیو فولدر!!!
 
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دارم با تلفن حرف میزنم. بابام میگه دوست دخترت بود؟پـَـ نه پـَـ ژاک شیراک بود درمورد مناغشات اخیر خاور میانه نظرمو میخواست!!!!
 
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پسر همسایمون تو پارک داشت بریک دنس می کرد یکی اومده بعد نیم ساعت تماشا میگه ایشون داره میرقصه؟گفتم: پـَـ نه پـَـ شربت خاکشیر خورده می خواد ته نشین نشه
 
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تو صف بربری نوبتم شده یارو میگه بربری میخوای؟پـَـ نه پـَـ اومدم از شاگردت تایپ یاد بگیرم!!!!

 
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یارو نشسته کنار خیابون نوک دماغش چسبیده به زمین دوستم میگه :معتاده؟میگم پـَـ نه پـَـ میخواد انعطاف بدنشو به رخ بکشه!!!

 
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تو حیاط دانشگاه تو انگلیس دارم با دوستم فارسی حرف میزنم ، یارو اومده میگه خانوم شما ایرانی هستین؟پـَـ نه پـَـ انگلیسی هستیم فارسی یاد گرفتیم بتونیم شماعی زاده گوش بدیم!!
 
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نصفه شب یکی از بالا درمون پرید تو حیاط داداشم گفت علی دزده؟پـَـ نه پـَـ “زوروِ ” داره از دست گروهبان گارسیادر میره!!!!!
 
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اهنگ اندی تو ماشین گذاشتیم دوستم میگه اندیه ؟پـَـ نه پـَـ داریوشه، داره خودشه لوس میکنه بخندیم!!!!
 
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با کلی عشق و علاقه به یه بنده خدا گفتم I love youمیگه با منی منم گفتم پـَـ نه پـَـ با پی ام سی ام
 
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میگم آقا شهید همّت کجاس؟میگه بزرگراه شهید همّت؟میگم پـَـ نه پـَـ می‌خواستم خودشو پیدا کنم یه خانواده‌ای رو از نگرانی در بیارم!!!
 
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تو جاده بنزین تمام کردیم وایسادیم کنار جاده ۴ لیتری تکون میدیم ! طرف اومده میگه بنزین تمام کردین ؟میگیم:پـَـ نه پـَـ میگیم هورا ! ما هم از این دبـــّه ها داریم !!!
 
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دارم فیلم گریه دار میبینم , گریه میکردم , مامانم اومده می گه فیلمش گریه داره ؟پـَـ نه پـَـ خنده داره من دارم گریه می کنم کارگردانشو ضایع کنم !

 
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جلو در دستشویی، طرف اومده میگه ع ع ع ببخشید شما توی صف هستین؟ پــــــــــــ نــــــــــه سوسکیم اومدیم نهــــــــار…. :

 
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رفتم استخر داشتم غرق میشدم غریق نجات میله رو برداشته اومده لب استخر با لبخند میگه میخای کمکت کنم؟پـَـ نه پـَـ با اون میله استریپتیز کن ببینم بلدی
 
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حموم بودم، مامانم می زنه به در می گم بـــله ؟می گه حمومی ؟می گم پـَـ نه پـَـ اینجا لندنه، صدای منو از رادیو بی بی سی می شنوید
 
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بهش میگم: زود باش دمپاییتو بده تا سوسکه نرفته… میگه:مگه میخوای بکشیش؟…پـَـ نه پـَـ میخوام بدم سوسکه پاش کنه !!!

 
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تصادف کردیم، زنگ زدیم افسر اومده میگه : تصادف شده؟میگم : نه پـــــَ … داریم هشدار برای کبرا ۱۱ رو فیلم برداری میکنیم!!!

 
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یارو سگ های منو دیده، میگه غذا میخورن؟ پـَـ نه پـَـ فتوسنتز میکنن
 
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رفتم داروخونه کرم ترک پا بگیرممی گه واسه پا میخواین؟؟پـَـ نه پـَـ میخوام در جهت از بین بردن ترک های کویر لوت گامی برداشته باشم

 
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سر جلسه امتحان به کناریم میگم داداش برسونیامیگه تقلب؟گفتم پـَـ نه پـَـ مواد ، یه وقت خمار نشم

 
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فامیلمون اومده آکواریومم رو دیده میگه غذای مخصوص بهشون میدی؟پـَـ نه پـَـ پول تو جیبی میدم بهشون خودشون میرن واسه خودشون غذا میخرن
 
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زنگ زدیم اتش نشانی،میگه جایی اتیش گرفته؟پـَـ نه پـَـ زنگ زدیم ببینیم امشب خونه این بیایم مهمونی
 

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از راننده اتوبوس میپرسم چقدر شد؟میگه ۲۲۵ بهش ۳۰۰ تومن دادم,میگه یه نفری؟گفتمپـَـ نه پـَـ کل اتوبوس مهمونه من!
 
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یارو اومد تعمیرگاه گفت: برای لپ تاپم رَم میخوام … گفتم: داریم …. گفتش :مطمئنی برای لپ تاپه ؟ …. گفتم : پـَـ نه پـَـ … برای PC ـه میخوام بُکُنم تو پاچـــت …
 
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تو رستوران، پیشخدمتو صدا کردم میگم آقا توی سوپ من مگس افتاده! میگه مرده؟ میگم پـَـ نه پـَـ هنوز زندست، داره شنا میکنه، صدات کردم بیایی نجاتش بدی!!!
 
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یارو دو ساعت داره خودپردازو انگولک میکنه تازه برگشته میگه شمام کار دارین ؟ پـَـ نه پـَـ وایستادیم اینجا بنیه و پشتکارِ شما رو سرلوحه زندگیمون قرار بدیم
 
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سوار تاکسی شدم. یارو صدای ضبطشو تا ته زیاد کرده بود. میگم میشه صدای ضبطتونو کم کنید؟ میگه اذییتتون میکنه؟!پـَـَـ نــه پـَـَــــ گفتم کم کنی این یه تیکشو من بخونم ببینی صدای کدوممون بهتره!
 
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رفتم دستشویی عمومی در میزنم میگم یکم سریع تر. میگه شمام دستشویی داری؟پـَـَـ نــه پـَـَــــ اومدم ببینم شما کم و کسری نداری ؟!
 
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رفتم دنبال دوستم، زنگ خونه رو زدم میگم منتظرم، میگه بیام پایین؟میگم پـَـَـ نــه پـَـَــــ بیا بالا پشت بوم، با هلیکوپتر اومدم

 
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با دوستم رفته بودیم استخر غریق نجات اومده میگه میخوایین شنا کنین؟پـَـَـ نــه پـَـَــــ اومدیم تو آب حل بشیم به عنوان املاح معدنی مردم استفاده کنن
 
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سوسکه را کشتم جنازشو ورداشتم ببرم بندازم بیرون. مامانم بین راه نگاه میکنه میگه کشتیش؟میگم : پـَـَـ نــه پـَـَــــ تو دستشویی خوابش برده بود دارم میبرمش تو رختخوابش بخو ابه

 
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رفتم واسه ثبت نام رانندگی زَنه میگه واسه آموزش اومدین ؟؟!!گفتم پـَـَـ نــه پـَـَــــ پول میدم که منو سوار ماشینتون کُنین بشینم رو پای راننده غان غان کُنم
 
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سر کلاس آیین نامه رانندگی پلیسه یه تابلو را از من پرسیده. میگم عبور دوچرخه ممنوع. میگه این دوچرخه است؟میگم پـَـَـ نــه پـَـَـــ تانکه. میگه پـَـَـ نــه پـَـَـــ و مرض! هنوز فرق دوچرخه با موتورگازی را نمیدونی؟


در ادامه بخوانیدکارایی که پسرای ایرونی عمرانتونن انجام ندن!برای پسرهای ترشیده که دنبال زن می گردند!!درد دل دختری با مادرشروش مفید برای جلوگیری ازبی شوهریفرق نیمرو درست کردن خانومها با آقایونفرهنگ لغت طنز ایرانی